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March 1, 2010

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Undergoing Maintenance

February 2, 2010

Hi, all 🙂

I know I said this before, but I really am currently working on changing my blog up a little bit. The geek in me has gotten totally obsessed with the blogging world, so I really want to tweak mine a little more over the next week or so in hopes of making it a little more user friendly. In the meantime I’ll keep doing posts and save them for when I have it all set up again :).

‘Til next time…


Oh, Caitlin.
Why do you do this? Always wanting what ya can’t have.

I’m so lucky and so glad to be at CCM. But Freshman year is tough. Especially winter quarter. Every day right now kind of feels like I’m just checking off the days. “Okay, got through this one..check!” or “Yep…still alive today…check!” That’s just kind of the nature of winter quarter. Through all the stress and overwhelming things to do, it’s easy for me to forget once in a while why I wanted to go to a conservatory in the first place, when all I feel like doing some afternoons is takin a big ol’ nap. I think to myself “Why don’t I have more energy? Does that mean I’m not a good actress? Do I have what it takes? Maybe working at Burger King for the rest of my life wouldn’t be SO bad.” blah blah blah. I know. So dramatic.

And then I see this:

And I become inspired and excited all over again. Tracie Thoms went to Howard University for Undergrad and then went BACK to Juilliard. That’s 8 years of school. The girl has some patience. And I need to just appreciate and bask in this time that I have here, because I really do love it. I just let things overwhelm and stress me out because I feel like I’ve become a robot sometimes. There is rarely time to live outside of the classroom or meetings, or homework.

But then I see someone like Tracie Thoms, who is such an inspiration to me (she also graduated from Baltimore School for the Arts, my first love ❤ ) and I feel so rejuvenated. It’s worth the headaches I get sometimes trying to figure out how I will get everything done in a day.

Such a beaut ❤

In other good news, I am SO lucky and honored to be cast in this year’s Spring show Picnic. I’ll be playing Irma, a schoolteacher. This was a huge surprise for me, which I know sounds weird because if you are reading this and you don’t attend a theatre conservatory, you would assume it makes sense to get cast in shows, right? But Freshmen aren’t typically cast in productions, so when Richard called me to replace a role (they had to do some recasting), I was pretty much sure he was calling me to tell me I was cut from the program. (I know, again, so dramatic.) I can’t wait for this adventure! I’m so excited to see how the rehearsal process here works differently from BSA.

Tonight though, I will be taking the evening off to go to Don Pablo’s with Kate and do some window shopping at the Rookwood Pavillion, like a normal homosapian. Sometimes, you need to venture outside of the 2 block radius of Clifton to remember that there is life out there.

‘Til next time…


There are the times when you are smiling, beaming, laughing in love, and there are times that you’re crying and overwhelmed. You grow up and you learn to keep your feelings bound. Not to remove them in any sense, but to keep them “contained”, making sure they never “boil over” Why? Because you might get hurt. No one can guarentee that you won’t. But at the end of the day, whether you’re in one piece, or if you’ve completely fallen apart, you have to do what it takes to pick yourself up. Because if you don’t give yourself the potential to fall apart, you’ll never give yourself the potential to be completely whole. 

I’m learning that loving the second time around is a lot more complex than loving the first time. It’s not any less, but it’s different in certain ways. When you’re 16 years old and someone says they love you, you believe they will forever. And they probably believe that too. And they very well could. But even if they do, things evolve and you’re tested. Sometimes you fail, and sometimes you pass. But when you get the courage to retake your tests and put yourself on the line again, having someone on the other end to be there for you, to be patient and understanding of your fear and to acknowledge it, that’s when you know it’s worth it. 

And if you’re like me and are lucky enough to get to go through all of these tests with the same person that you fell in love with when you were just a little pipsqueak high school freshman who didn’t know squat? Well…that’s just peachy :).

‘Til next time…



January 22, 2010

Hi, all

I realize that I haven’t been a very good blogger lately, please excuse me! Winter quarter is absolutely insane here. I’m going to be taking a short hiatus (probably no more than another week or so) while I get some schoolwork done and also work towards changing the look of my blog. All will be revealed in due time 🙂

‘Til next time…


…AND I’m weeping.

January 15, 2010

Honestly…this is the sweetest thing I have ever seen.



January 13, 2010

It’s been a while since my last post. Woops. I don’t think I’ve gone this long without updating in a while! That’s pretty much the epitome of this quarter for me though. BUSY BUSY BUSY. This weekend I have masterclasses Saturday and Sunday for 5 hours each, next weekend I have an audition for an ACT Scholarship Competition, and the weekend after that= more masterclasses. January is an absolutely insane month.

That being said, I feel like I’m handling my work load a lot better this quarter because I know what to expect. I feel like I have less homework than I did last quarter, but much more to DO if that makes any sense. My only real issue is that I need desperately to get a job but I.have.no.time.

Speaking of which, I’m scrambling to try and figure out what the heck I’m going to do with myself this summer. Here’s my dilemma: I need to make money. I want to intern. I think I want to stay in Cincinnati and do some work around here. Or maybe go back to Baltimore? Or maybe stay? or… I DON’T KNOW. I’d love to intern in LA or NY or Chicago, but I think that will definitely have to wait for another year because right now, the monay honay just ain’t there.

I’m also in the process of getting my housing situated for next year which I’m really excited about :). This won’t be my first home away from home, but it WILL be the first place I get with roommates other than my sister. Plus, we will most likely be getting a house instead of an apartment, which is super thrilling :). That being said, expect to see lots of pictures of home decor inspiration on here in the coming weeks since I’ve become addicted to looking at furniture.

All in all, my year so far has been pretty amazing. I’m really, really happy. In every way. Which is a little scary but I’m just going to try to enjoy it for as long as I can. I feel really lucky right now. So I’m just going to sit tight and see where this will take me.

I hope everyone is having an amazing new year 🙂

‘Til next time…



January 5, 2010

I have so many other things to do than blog right now, but I’m choosing to do this first because it seems to be the least overwhelming.

All of my teachers keep enforcing how hard winter quarter is going to be, and it’s startin to give me the icks. I looked at my schedule this quarter and thought “This will be a breeze!” I’m taking Costuming now instead of Stagecraft which is WAY more agreeable with me, and I am registered for just 15 credits instead of 18. However, I do have Transmigration and my weekends are pretty full too with masterclasses. So I guess everything balances out. Not to mention that the weather here is HEINOUS. I’m so cold. All the time. Brrr.

Last night I was having girl talk with two of my favorite ladies and left the evening feeling inspired. My wonderful friend who shall remain nameless, has the most amazing spirit and outlook that I’ve ever witnessed. Even when someone hurts her, she somehow manages to see the light and blessings that come out of every situation. She is the only person I know who could deal with such events so gracefully. 

It sort of made me sad, because I realized as I was talking to her how much more jaded I’ve become over the years. It really is so amazing how you go from being a child who believes everything is so simple, to going through a few rough spots and assuming everything must be complicated. I think I used to be a much more positive and giving person than I am now, and that sort of hit me hard last night, because that’s something I’ve always been proud of. I feel like my walls and cynicism could absolutely just be a phase, and I really hope so. But it’s become a resolution for me this year, to work really hard to maintain my faith and continue to see the good in people and in the situations that are presented to me. We’ll see how that goes.

I actually made several resolutions this year. They include…

1) Drink more water

2) Run more

3) Manage my time better (I’m already failing at that by updating my blog right now)

4) Manage my money better

5) Paint my nails more

6) Take more chances

I’m sure there are several more I could add. But that’s all I have so far :).

In effort to somewhat get back on track with my time management, I’m afraid this is all I have time for. I hope everyone has an amazing new year 🙂

‘Til next time…


A great way to start off 2010.

I said last New Years that I was going to have an amazing year. Soo…what actually happened?

2009 was a  bit of a mixed bag for me. I had SO far to go, from where I was to where I wanted to be. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I saw where I wanted to go, but I knew it would take time and it couldn’t happen overnight. And holy guacamole it sure didn’t. It has been a long and bumpy road this year.

That being said, that bumpy, hellacious, tumultuous road led me to the path that ultimately has given me peace. I started running, I was accepted into CCM where I’ve made amazing friends and have learned so much, and I feel better about myself than I have in…a very long time. Mentally and emotionally ( I would say physically as well, but with all of this holiday eating I’ve been doing I can’t say I don’t have a little bit of work to do!) I’m really, really proud of where I am now. I sort of get the feeling I’m making myself sound like I was headed for an asylum. I was not :). I’ve maintained my sanity for most of my life (kidding…) But I wasn’t proud of what I was doing or who I was being or the choices I was making. I’ve always felt strong and confident in myself as a person, and in that time, I felt the complete opposite. I didn’t respect myself. But now, I’m SO proud of how far I’ve come and how I turned things around. I’m proud because I did that on my own. Of course I had the support of my family and friends, but I saw myself going down a path that I knew I was going to regret, and I changed it. I didn’t have a crutch. I didn’t have anyone holding my hand the whole time or telling me how to get through, because they couldn’t. I had to figure it out.

I enrolled myself in acting classes. I got a job as a nanny. I woke up at 4am 5 days a week to work. I got groceries. I paid my bills. I applied to CCM, despite the judgement I got about it, because I knew I was going for the right reasons.

And finally, I got accepted.

 I’ve never really related to that line people say – “You only have yourself”, and I still don’t really feel like THAT is the way to live my life. I, of all people, want the support and stability that comes from knowing that I have one person in my life (aside from you, Mom ;)) that will support me and be there for me no matter what. I think of that often, which is why I’ve always had such a fascination with relationships and marriage (not to sound like a loon.) I read something the other day that said “Every woman should have at least one man in her life that would kill or die for her.” I thought that was interesting. But if there is anything that this year has taught me, it’s that you should never underestimate yourself and what you can do all on your own. I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been because I realized I didn’t have to live my life doubting myself or feeling hurt. We all have so much more control than we give ourselves credit for sometimes. I’m glad that I finally figured it out, just in time to start the new year off right.

And let me just say now: Ain’t NObody gonna ruin this year for me. 

Til next time…


Merry Christmas :)

December 25, 2009

I love surprises. Who doesn’t? The problem is, I’m much too snoopy and curious to really allow myself to be surprised very often. I’m a peeker and a snooper and I get it from my mother. But on the occasions that I actually AM surprised, it’s so, so nice. Especially when these surprises come from a person, not from something tangible. Don’t get me wrong, I love being surprised with gifts, but  I love being surprised by gestures even more. 

This Christmas I was surprised by someone really important to me, and that in itself makes me so happy. Its an amazing feeling when someone does something for you that you wouldn’t ever expect. Because they do it all on their OWN. There is no hinting, no dropping clues. It’s just their own genuine want to do something for you. There is so much faith to be had in the people around us. No matter how things turn out for me, personally, I hope I will always preserve my faith in people.

This surprise  really brought me back to why I treasure Christmas so much.  Because it’s about love. Not just romantic love, but love for the people that you have in your life and the roles they play. I know people get stressed about present shopping and money and all of that, and it IS overwhelming at times, but the point is not what you buy, it’s that you took the time out of your day to find them something you knew they would love. You gave them something that you feel like they deserve, just for being themselves and for being in your life. 

It shouldn’t take a holiday for us to realize how good we have it, or to tell our loved ones that we love and appreciate them. It’s great that the holidays bring that out in us, but I think a great resolution for the new year is to try and appreciate the people in our lives as much as we can, every single day. I know that will be a resolution for me. 

Thank you, Mom for taking the time to buy me so many great gifts, for stressing yourself out all the time just to make sure I have what I need, for making a great Christmas dinner and for being such a loving and caring mother. I’m so lucky to have you 🙂

Merry Christmas, Everyone 🙂

Until next time…