Oh, Caitlin.
Why do you do this? Always wanting what ya can’t have.

I’m so lucky and so glad to be at CCM. But Freshman year is tough. Especially winter quarter. Every day right now kind of feels like I’m just checking off the days. “Okay, got through this one..check!” or “Yep…still alive today…check!” That’s just kind of the nature of winter quarter. Through all the stress and overwhelming things to do, it’s easy for me to forget once in a while why I wanted to go to a conservatory in the first place, when all I feel like doing some afternoons is takin a big ol’ nap. I think to myself “Why don’t I have more energy? Does that mean I’m not a good actress? Do I have what it takes? Maybe working at Burger King for the rest of my life wouldn’t be SO bad.” blah blah blah. I know. So dramatic.

And then I see this:

And I become inspired and excited all over again. Tracie Thoms went to Howard University for Undergrad and then went BACK to Juilliard. That’s 8 years of school. The girl has some patience. And I need to just appreciate and bask in this time that I have here, because I really do love it. I just let things overwhelm and stress me out because I feel like I’ve become a robot sometimes. There is rarely time to live outside of the classroom or meetings, or homework.

But then I see someone like Tracie Thoms, who is such an inspiration to me (she also graduated from Baltimore School for the Arts, my first love ❤ ) and I feel so rejuvenated. It’s worth the headaches I get sometimes trying to figure out how I will get everything done in a day.

Such a beaut ❤

In other good news, I am SO lucky and honored to be cast in this year’s Spring show Picnic. I’ll be playing Irma, a schoolteacher. This was a huge surprise for me, which I know sounds weird because if you are reading this and you don’t attend a theatre conservatory, you would assume it makes sense to get cast in shows, right? But Freshmen aren’t typically cast in productions, so when Richard called me to replace a role (they had to do some recasting), I was pretty much sure he was calling me to tell me I was cut from the program. (I know, again, so dramatic.) I can’t wait for this adventure! I’m so excited to see how the rehearsal process here works differently from BSA.

Tonight though, I will be taking the evening off to go to Don Pablo’s with Kate and do some window shopping at the Rookwood Pavillion, like a normal homosapian. Sometimes, you need to venture outside of the 2 block radius of Clifton to remember that there is life out there.

‘Til next time…

-C

There are the times when you are smiling, beaming, laughing in love, and there are times that you’re crying and overwhelmed. You grow up and you learn to keep your feelings bound. Not to remove them in any sense, but to keep them “contained”, making sure they never “boil over” Why? Because you might get hurt. No one can guarentee that you won’t. But at the end of the day, whether you’re in one piece, or if you’ve completely fallen apart, you have to do what it takes to pick yourself up. Because if you don’t give yourself the potential to fall apart, you’ll never give yourself the potential to be completely whole. 

I’m learning that loving the second time around is a lot more complex than loving the first time. It’s not any less, but it’s different in certain ways. When you’re 16 years old and someone says they love you, you believe they will forever. And they probably believe that too. And they very well could. But even if they do, things evolve and you’re tested. Sometimes you fail, and sometimes you pass. But when you get the courage to retake your tests and put yourself on the line again, having someone on the other end to be there for you, to be patient and understanding of your fear and to acknowledge it, that’s when you know it’s worth it. 

And if you’re like me and are lucky enough to get to go through all of these tests with the same person that you fell in love with when you were just a little pipsqueak high school freshman who didn’t know squat? Well…that’s just peachy :).

‘Til next time…

-C

Hiatus

January 22, 2010

Hi, all

I realize that I haven’t been a very good blogger lately, please excuse me! Winter quarter is absolutely insane here. I’m going to be taking a short hiatus (probably no more than another week or so) while I get some schoolwork done and also work towards changing the look of my blog. All will be revealed in due time 🙂

‘Til next time…

-C

…AND I’m weeping.

January 15, 2010

Honestly…this is the sweetest thing I have ever seen.

http://ruffledblog.com/2010/01/anthropologie-beach-proposal/#comments

Slacker.

January 13, 2010

It’s been a while since my last post. Woops. I don’t think I’ve gone this long without updating in a while! That’s pretty much the epitome of this quarter for me though. BUSY BUSY BUSY. This weekend I have masterclasses Saturday and Sunday for 5 hours each, next weekend I have an audition for an ACT Scholarship Competition, and the weekend after that= more masterclasses. January is an absolutely insane month.

That being said, I feel like I’m handling my work load a lot better this quarter because I know what to expect. I feel like I have less homework than I did last quarter, but much more to DO if that makes any sense. My only real issue is that I need desperately to get a job but I.have.no.time.

Speaking of which, I’m scrambling to try and figure out what the heck I’m going to do with myself this summer. Here’s my dilemma: I need to make money. I want to intern. I think I want to stay in Cincinnati and do some work around here. Or maybe go back to Baltimore? Or maybe stay? or… I DON’T KNOW. I’d love to intern in LA or NY or Chicago, but I think that will definitely have to wait for another year because right now, the monay honay just ain’t there.

I’m also in the process of getting my housing situated for next year which I’m really excited about :). This won’t be my first home away from home, but it WILL be the first place I get with roommates other than my sister. Plus, we will most likely be getting a house instead of an apartment, which is super thrilling :). That being said, expect to see lots of pictures of home decor inspiration on here in the coming weeks since I’ve become addicted to looking at furniture.

All in all, my year so far has been pretty amazing. I’m really, really happy. In every way. Which is a little scary but I’m just going to try to enjoy it for as long as I can. I feel really lucky right now. So I’m just going to sit tight and see where this will take me.

I hope everyone is having an amazing new year 🙂

‘Til next time…

-C

Resolutions.

January 5, 2010

I have so many other things to do than blog right now, but I’m choosing to do this first because it seems to be the least overwhelming.

All of my teachers keep enforcing how hard winter quarter is going to be, and it’s startin to give me the icks. I looked at my schedule this quarter and thought “This will be a breeze!” I’m taking Costuming now instead of Stagecraft which is WAY more agreeable with me, and I am registered for just 15 credits instead of 18. However, I do have Transmigration and my weekends are pretty full too with masterclasses. So I guess everything balances out. Not to mention that the weather here is HEINOUS. I’m so cold. All the time. Brrr.

Last night I was having girl talk with two of my favorite ladies and left the evening feeling inspired. My wonderful friend who shall remain nameless, has the most amazing spirit and outlook that I’ve ever witnessed. Even when someone hurts her, she somehow manages to see the light and blessings that come out of every situation. She is the only person I know who could deal with such events so gracefully. 

It sort of made me sad, because I realized as I was talking to her how much more jaded I’ve become over the years. It really is so amazing how you go from being a child who believes everything is so simple, to going through a few rough spots and assuming everything must be complicated. I think I used to be a much more positive and giving person than I am now, and that sort of hit me hard last night, because that’s something I’ve always been proud of. I feel like my walls and cynicism could absolutely just be a phase, and I really hope so. But it’s become a resolution for me this year, to work really hard to maintain my faith and continue to see the good in people and in the situations that are presented to me. We’ll see how that goes.

I actually made several resolutions this year. They include…

1) Drink more water

2) Run more

3) Manage my time better (I’m already failing at that by updating my blog right now)

4) Manage my money better

5) Paint my nails more

6) Take more chances

I’m sure there are several more I could add. But that’s all I have so far :).

In effort to somewhat get back on track with my time management, I’m afraid this is all I have time for. I hope everyone has an amazing new year 🙂

‘Til next time…

-C

A great way to start off 2010.